Hammer time? AXA Time.

I had a temporary job at AXA recently. I was on the phones alot of the time and I had ALOT of free time. I hope this makes just a little bit of sense...

I’ve been watching people a lot recently, perhaps its because I want to savour what I have left of this stage of my life, or perhaps its just because I am too nosey for my own good. I hope it’s not just the latter, but the former that inspires me to do so. I find some peace in watching other people, I expect it’s because of its lower form of escapism. Just now I am sitting at work. I have just listened to a whole conversation about someone who has had a perm from the age of 4 who is, tomorrow, to get her hair chemically straightened. No, I am not intrigued by such a process, but I do like to hear about other peoples lives, it inspires you to do something different, to take a chance and get out of your routine. Isn’t it amazing that there are 6 billion people in this world, yet no two lives are to be the same?

Thinking along this line I like to think about an aeroplane journey. Those 150 people on that plane are joined by one common factor, that transportation. They have completely different lives before the plane – the last things they said to a loved one, the way in which they got to the plane, who they smiled at in the departure lounge, but once they get on the plane they are a common people. As well as this as soon as that plane touches ground at the destination the individuality begins again, they are off to do whatever the came to do, and more than likely are they never to see there co-passengers ever again.

Perhaps such a journey is a lot like a relationship – you can be doing your own thing until you notice something, perhaps you take a chance and you meet someone. You smile at someone across the departure lounge, metaphorically speaking. At that point you are together, you are one going in one direction. Sure there are a lot of other people in your life, they will be the babies that cry on the aeroplane, the pestering stewards offering perfume, alcohol and way to many cigarettes or simply the or the captain speaking – leading you on your way through your life. There are sure to be hard times because some time in your life it is sure to rain and most probably pour, you go through the turbulence of the companionship, but the sun always shines the brighter on the other side. Perhaps, in the end, this is not the right place for you and so you go home again, reset the cycle – but there will be a journey that works, that fits, that feels right. I think I am milking the analogy of the plane journey, but hey… I’m at work, and extremely bored.

This morning at the bus stop on my route to work (A bus, not nearly as comparable to a relationship as an aeroplane, however there is always at least one drunk person on the bus and in your life) I saw two people talking to each other using sign language. Something deep inside me stirs to learn sign language. I’m not really sure why this is, but there is something poetic about the movement of the hands and the public yet private conversation that can take place. I guess the same could be said about a language, however this is a lot more public to those surrounding. The fact that you have to be looking at the person you are signing to makes it feel like, ‘Its you I am talking to, and you alone.’

It is true that we are all signing in some way or form, and everybody knows it – Body Language. It’s amazing what a difference this makes. How we look at someone. How we don’t look at someone. How we sit in an interview, which can influence the result. How we speak on the phone. How we smile. How we laugh. Everything we do is revealing a little bit more about us, yet we seemingly don’t really realise it at the time. Right now I am ‘performing’, so to speak, and should I not be writing this I imagine I would not realise it. Across the office from me is a beautiful girl who, on a few occasions, I have met eyes with and glanced away. I find myself looking in that direction quite a bit, however I don’t make a conscious decision to do so, I just drift. Is this the body language that I am speaking of? In some ways it is saying ‘Yes I am interested’ however, this is not reciprocated. But, I am not a chancer. More than likely I will just glance over once in a while. At some time perhaps a smile will be exchanged, but that’s probably where the road ends in our small relationship.

Like I said I’m not one for taking a chance. For taking a chance is much the same as moving towards making a change. And I’m not really a big fan of change either. I used to share a room with my brother, it came to the point when my sister moved out for University and I was able to have my own room, something I was excited about. I painted the room, moved everything in and even got a new bed. It came to the point when I went to bed and I just couldn’t sleep. It seems that change just creeps up on you. I don’t like change, and change doesn’t like me. Because of the change issue this time of my life is quite weird. People have left for University and others leaving to be gone for a year travelling. It feels like I have been trapped, caught in the year, before I also can move on into University next year. However, once overcoming the trapped emotion this year has been a good one in the relationships I have built and maintained and in my general outlook on life. I believe it has been of great benefit to myself, that saying it is only half way through, and with Mexico looming on the horizon it seems the best is yet to come.

Like this piece of writing our lives are a rambling stream of actions and thoughts. I only wish that I could represent what I feel on paper a lot more easily accessible. In no way do I believe someone would become inspired by this, that they make a life changing decision to book a random flight and meet the person of there dreams, but if someone would read it, perhaps smile and have it in their thoughts, it would be enough for me. Some times I think that I like writing so that some day some one will find this, they would read it and understand what Phil Clarke was thinking on the 3rd March 2007.

I just looked over at the girl, she didn’t return my look – Some things never change. But, I’m ok with that.

[clarke]
03/03/2007