Saturday 12 May 2007

Its still AXA o'clock.

Sorry about the random title. I wanted to link this post to the last one. Think im crazy? Good. Here comes another post that was spawned from that lack of something better to do.

I wish things were different. I wish things had been said different, or merely I wish things had been said. I like to imagine how things could be different. There is a book that I heard about a book called The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick. This book takes on the view that America lost the war, and is now under joint control of the Japanese and the Nazi’s. Imagine if this was true, things would be extremely different. Moving back into my glorious life and I imagine how different it would be if I had gone straight into University. There would be no AXA job, no Mexico and I could already have changed a fair bit. What if I had made friends with different people on my first day of school? Such a simple thing as a smile on that day may have pathed my way into the future.

But there is no use in living in the past. There is in no way that I can change what I did then, but I can change what I do now and in the future. This year has definitely cleaned my perception on life. I am looking forward to going to Mexico so that it will give me an even larger perception of not only my life, but the world. I have never been in a situation to observe true poverty and so here is my chance to help out in anyway I can. Following that I am cruising up to New York. I don’t quite think that the atmosphere is going to be the same in these two cities, but I will enjoy them both intensely.

Something I would really like to pay attention to is playing my guitar, it’s just that when I pick up my beloved and try and write something I just freeze up. Then I get annoyed and just leave it for a while. Randomly I get random lines that creep up into my mind, something like “Same breath, but million miles apart. Same light, when all the rest is dark”. I try to put something behind all my songs, which of course is what every single other artist is doing, but with regard to this line – I will explain. A while back I began thinking that somewhere in the future I most probably will get married, well… that’s what I would like to happen. This means that somewhere around this world there is my future wife just wandering around living out her life (emphasis on her). At present she probably doesn’t have a clue who I am, or the future that we might have together. It might be one of my closest friends. It might be someone in the office right now – at this exact moment she might be thinking ‘Who’s that guy?’. So that line comes from the fact that we are so close, yet not know each other. That we are living and breathing at the same time but we are a ‘million miles apart’. Is that romantic? If it is and you are thinking ‘Hmm… he sounds HOT’ (which, in my experience, is the usually reaction to any interaction with yours truly) then get in touch… who knows those million miles could be closer than you think.

I went to Manchester over the weekend to check out the accommodation at the University. I really felt like I had found a place for me there, on the previous visit it felt like there was no connection at all, but this time was different. I could see myself walking down the road, sitting in the lectures and I can even just about see me playing with my guitar too a crowd – but then that would depend on how much effort I put into paragraph 3. I also felt like I was ‘meant to be’ in a certain hall, but things can easily change – I hope it doesn’t – but that’s the nature of things in peoples lives. It’s also weird that the friends that I meet at University are most likely to be my life long friends. If that’s the case what happens to my friends now? I know that they will always be there as extremely close friends, but I always imagined that it would be then that I live with etc. Oh well, perhaps I will meet twins of my friends here at home. Here’s hoping! It is also a high chance that you will meet your future partner at University. Looks like, as well as my lectures, I’m going to have a lot of work to do.

Well, that’s about all I can think about writing down at the moment, so I will return to pretending to do work. You see, I’m already getting some practice for my behaviour in the lecture halls. Actually, No. I intend to work hard at University I want to come out the other side with a purpose, not just a seemingly permanent headache and a huge debt. Psychology… be prepared for Phil Clarke.

“Because with you the summer seemed brighter,
And with you the hard seemed lighter.”

No? Nothing? Well, I’ll try to charm someone else.

[clarke]
12/03/07

Hammer time? AXA Time.

I had a temporary job at AXA recently. I was on the phones alot of the time and I had ALOT of free time. I hope this makes just a little bit of sense...

I’ve been watching people a lot recently, perhaps its because I want to savour what I have left of this stage of my life, or perhaps its just because I am too nosey for my own good. I hope it’s not just the latter, but the former that inspires me to do so. I find some peace in watching other people, I expect it’s because of its lower form of escapism. Just now I am sitting at work. I have just listened to a whole conversation about someone who has had a perm from the age of 4 who is, tomorrow, to get her hair chemically straightened. No, I am not intrigued by such a process, but I do like to hear about other peoples lives, it inspires you to do something different, to take a chance and get out of your routine. Isn’t it amazing that there are 6 billion people in this world, yet no two lives are to be the same?

Thinking along this line I like to think about an aeroplane journey. Those 150 people on that plane are joined by one common factor, that transportation. They have completely different lives before the plane – the last things they said to a loved one, the way in which they got to the plane, who they smiled at in the departure lounge, but once they get on the plane they are a common people. As well as this as soon as that plane touches ground at the destination the individuality begins again, they are off to do whatever the came to do, and more than likely are they never to see there co-passengers ever again.

Perhaps such a journey is a lot like a relationship – you can be doing your own thing until you notice something, perhaps you take a chance and you meet someone. You smile at someone across the departure lounge, metaphorically speaking. At that point you are together, you are one going in one direction. Sure there are a lot of other people in your life, they will be the babies that cry on the aeroplane, the pestering stewards offering perfume, alcohol and way to many cigarettes or simply the or the captain speaking – leading you on your way through your life. There are sure to be hard times because some time in your life it is sure to rain and most probably pour, you go through the turbulence of the companionship, but the sun always shines the brighter on the other side. Perhaps, in the end, this is not the right place for you and so you go home again, reset the cycle – but there will be a journey that works, that fits, that feels right. I think I am milking the analogy of the plane journey, but hey… I’m at work, and extremely bored.

This morning at the bus stop on my route to work (A bus, not nearly as comparable to a relationship as an aeroplane, however there is always at least one drunk person on the bus and in your life) I saw two people talking to each other using sign language. Something deep inside me stirs to learn sign language. I’m not really sure why this is, but there is something poetic about the movement of the hands and the public yet private conversation that can take place. I guess the same could be said about a language, however this is a lot more public to those surrounding. The fact that you have to be looking at the person you are signing to makes it feel like, ‘Its you I am talking to, and you alone.’

It is true that we are all signing in some way or form, and everybody knows it – Body Language. It’s amazing what a difference this makes. How we look at someone. How we don’t look at someone. How we sit in an interview, which can influence the result. How we speak on the phone. How we smile. How we laugh. Everything we do is revealing a little bit more about us, yet we seemingly don’t really realise it at the time. Right now I am ‘performing’, so to speak, and should I not be writing this I imagine I would not realise it. Across the office from me is a beautiful girl who, on a few occasions, I have met eyes with and glanced away. I find myself looking in that direction quite a bit, however I don’t make a conscious decision to do so, I just drift. Is this the body language that I am speaking of? In some ways it is saying ‘Yes I am interested’ however, this is not reciprocated. But, I am not a chancer. More than likely I will just glance over once in a while. At some time perhaps a smile will be exchanged, but that’s probably where the road ends in our small relationship.

Like I said I’m not one for taking a chance. For taking a chance is much the same as moving towards making a change. And I’m not really a big fan of change either. I used to share a room with my brother, it came to the point when my sister moved out for University and I was able to have my own room, something I was excited about. I painted the room, moved everything in and even got a new bed. It came to the point when I went to bed and I just couldn’t sleep. It seems that change just creeps up on you. I don’t like change, and change doesn’t like me. Because of the change issue this time of my life is quite weird. People have left for University and others leaving to be gone for a year travelling. It feels like I have been trapped, caught in the year, before I also can move on into University next year. However, once overcoming the trapped emotion this year has been a good one in the relationships I have built and maintained and in my general outlook on life. I believe it has been of great benefit to myself, that saying it is only half way through, and with Mexico looming on the horizon it seems the best is yet to come.

Like this piece of writing our lives are a rambling stream of actions and thoughts. I only wish that I could represent what I feel on paper a lot more easily accessible. In no way do I believe someone would become inspired by this, that they make a life changing decision to book a random flight and meet the person of there dreams, but if someone would read it, perhaps smile and have it in their thoughts, it would be enough for me. Some times I think that I like writing so that some day some one will find this, they would read it and understand what Phil Clarke was thinking on the 3rd March 2007.

I just looked over at the girl, she didn’t return my look – Some things never change. But, I’m ok with that.

[clarke]
03/03/2007

Tuesday 8 May 2007

Time Machines, Blisters and Friends Gallore

The last of the remaining MySpace blogs. I hope that part of them make sense - I think I had quite alot to say, its just getting them written down which is the hard part.

It seems to me that everyone wants to be friendly, but perhaps they don't have the opportunity. On a recent trip to Jersey (more coming up about that) I noticed that such a decrease in the speed of life for residents may provide people with that slight increase in time for an opportunity to be friendly. In the frequent occasion I was smiled at, said 'Morning', nodded at, asked how I was and the many many 'Hello's'. What shocked me the most was the nod!

For those that aren't accustomed with the nod I shall explain. Should you be walking with parents, or another individual be walking with parents, just a slight nod of the head indicates an "Alright mate?", "How you doing?" or "I think you are ok" response. Now ... the reason I brought this up is because I saw a pikey on a bike in Jersey, after staring at him for a while, I got the nod. Yes, read it again if you didn't believe it ... a pikey nodded at me. At the time I was in shock and before I had the thought process to nod back he had gone, cycled of into the streets of Jersey.

So if you want to feel like you know everyone or simply you want a kick of self esteem ... go to jersey. (Whilst you are there go to a cafe on Roseville street, it's a beaut).

Time machines ... it was at the above cafe that I and my father where discussing the random parts of life that we didn't really understand. We were questioning where Jersey would be in 50 years time. Who knows? It may flourish, it may not. I'm thinking the latter.... but we can't say. We were then talking about technology. Because it advances so fast, who's to say that Jersey can't advance? Microsoft wasn't here 20 years ago. Google wasn't here 10 years ago. But already they have dominated there areas. It seems to me like not much more can be invented. As Carl Pilkington put it we'd just be "Messing around". This is where I declared the time machine is never going to happen. My dad immediately argued against this, sure he claimed that it was improbable... but didn't they say that the television wasn't possible ... a moving picture? Or perhaps when they adamantly said that the world was flat. Who knows what's what these days. BUT... should the time machine have been invented we would know about it. Ill walk you through this.

1. We are the first generation. Call the present day A.
2. We live our lives through to the year 2050 where say a "Time Machine" was created. Call this time B.
3. If it had been created, would the scientists not want to try it out? Therefore would travel back in time to time period A.
4. At this point the world at time A would know about it. Therefore we would know about a time machine.

I know it is confusing, my dad struggled ... but I think it makes sense. It does in my head ... that's all that counts. I also believe that should one be invented then it would only be possible to travel backwards. NEVER forwards. Forwards hasn't happened yet ... how can you accelerate time? Only backwards could happen because it already has. Well ... that's how I see it.

Moving on to blisters. On Monday I spent 9 hours walking around Jersey, in uncomfortable shoes, delivering Think Taxi leaflets (just as a shameless plug - if you need a Taxi in the future ... try 01883 712123 ... I think that's the number. You know it makes sense) It seems to me that those 9 hours were not appreciated by my feet. And so I have blisters a plenty. Naturally in the hotel room I took a picture of them, if you are lucky enough you will see them some day.

For now, Ta Raaa
Love lets life breathe,
Make a bed of grass,
and a pillow of flowers
And all is left, is the blanket of leaves

[clarke]

Flood on a Sub? Fire on a Space Station?

Don't really follow my train of thought in this one. But it was on Myspace. So here it is.

Now .... the question today children is whether you would rather a fire on a space station or a flood on a submarine....... This had NOTHING to do with watching Armageddon...

So ... whats to do. I guess there are many options to choose from. I think from first guess i would go with the space station. Because isnt it true that when you drown its meant to be the peacefullist (is that even a word? IT IS NOW!) way to go ..........

SCREW THAT! I think i would much rather take going peacefully in my sleep than floundering around in a puddle till i cant breath anymore. But yeah .... drowning sounds fun. Peacefully leaving this world in a the blissful motion of the sea? No ... sadly not .... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIC!

However, a particurally sexy individual pointed out that a fire cannot exist without oxygen .... and there we go - Space = no oxygen = no fire. BUT i guess the astronauts need oxygen to breathe when they are outside there little orange suits. Or is that a little myth, a film fantasy ... first i find out that santa isnt real ... YEAH I KNOW.... he is your parents.... together. Or .... alternativly if you are young enough to beleive him and you are reading this in shock ... yeah sure ... he is real. Anagram of Santa = Satan .... coincidence ... i think not.

Anyway ... yeah i guess the real answer to this little question is just never go into space nor go in a submarine. With that taken care off then i cant see you coming to any harm at all. Live long, Live true ... Love Life.

A 'Rambling-Of-Phil' Production.
Thanks.

P.C

Edit: I remembered a place where things might not be so bad. A place where things and people dont change. Where we can be who we want to be. That place, although sure it might not exist is .... Neverland. Dont you feel it when you look into space. All those stars and emptyness. Something that big must be bad for you! Well ... me and a certain someone will keep searching ... all the way to the bakery with the fairy dust doughnuts.

Edit 2: Armageddon was based on a true story.

The Diary of a New York Wannabe

Another of the run away MySpace blogs. Lets try and keep it organised shall we?

For my 18th birthday I went to New York. Yes it was amazing. Yes I do love it! Whilst I was out there I wrote a diary. I thought I might share my thoughts, adventures and love of that city over the wonder that is MySpace.

Inside a magazine was an envelope. The envolope, a simple white envolpe with "Shelburne Murray Hill - 303 Lexington Avenue - New York, NY 10016" Inside this envolpe are,

"The Diares of a New Yorker Wannabe!"

Friday 28th April: - Local Time 22:30, UK Time 03:30 (insert picture of man with z's coming from his mouth.)


No shorter than 1 hour into our NYC adventure and we are two troublesome brits, not on one occassion, but twice! Once for taking a photo in a 'classified' section of the airport, and the other for getting the wrong ticket on the train. You can't take us anywhere! On the plus side i have been in two yellow taxis, seen a school bus + Time Square (day + night :P), eaten a large chicken burger whilst pondering the workings of a baseball game and, most importantly, purchased two Jason Mraz CD's and the all new Teddy Geiger ... youve got to love it! Roll on saturday! Awakening at 8 o'clock to get first in que up the ESB

Saturday 29th April
Whata day! And its still not over! The morning activities included getting up early for the ESB, then a 'deluxe' breakfast at Maccy D's - can i get an american definition of 'deluxe' please? Then it was onwards to the Theatre district, a little of broadway gave us 'The Show People', $85 dollars later and we are to be entertained tonight. Hopping onto a bus and we were going downtown! Hopping of at Washington Square and we played chess, talked to a 'chess master' and then enjoyed a magicians performance. A few hundred photos later found us at the World Trade Center site, New York Stock exchange, A huge bull and, courtesy of 'Staton island ferries', Goold ol lady liberty. Short bumble, And an ince-cream after we were walking down what seems miles along Brooklyn bridge. I tell you what, no picture in New York is right without a Yeloow Taxi present! Getting back was hassle - first a slow moving taxi forced us onto the New Yoek subway, confussing to say the least and so a short walk to our Hotel. Time to 'freshen - up' (woop! Still sounding britishy) and then hit the town! Good-Bye for now, Ta-raaa! - Conclusion - Play was ok"

"Sunday 30th April:
Anter early start, but hey, New York's worth it. Breakfast at McDonalds (some things never change) and onto a bus to see Uptown! With one very teachery tour guard we saw all that North NYC had to offer: Place were John Lennon died, Godigooglywhatsy art museum Interuption: Just killed a Moth! Am I a bad person but most deffinatly the best of the views Central Park. In the afternoon we went to the Tankees. You want, 100% American? Go to a baseball match! Admist the 'hotdogs', 'soda's' and Beers there is some sport action, all be it about 5 mins a time. Yankees beat the Blue Jays (Toronto) 4-1 and so win the series. A crowded Metro journey and we are at North Central Park. Just a 'short' walk and we travel straight through Central Park, top to bottom, North to South, Bronx to Central NYC. Through the playing fields, around the resivouir and across the roads this small section of New York is truely like me, beautiful! Refueling our energy with a sandwich and chips were to head to the start of the Night bus. This is one thing i would defo recommend to New Yorker New Comers or 'NYNC'. Absouletly Magnificant views, and a true essence of New York. Loved it. A quick stop at a convinence store and i am suited and booted with hot chocolate (WITH small marshmellows) and a large cookie, which reminds me, drink is getting cold, and the cookie is uneaten! Taraa for now! I love New York.

Monday 1st May:
"It was beauty that killed the beast" - nope it still wasnt that good second time around. The best bit is were he snaps that dino's neck. Ha Ha! Anywayyyy... Back on the plane again, currently cruising at 37000m at a speed of 626mph! Somewhere over the Atlantic ocean, UK time = 5.10am. Dad's got his eyepatch on and casually snoring. And so it ends... the Clarke duo are no longer 'keeping it real' in NYC, but return to ordinary UK life. Today was not so eventful, with the tramline closed, admission fees to museum's and xbox games that wouldn't work in the UK, nothing much happened. Well ... I cannot complain! It has been an amazing weekend! And scorching weather came hand in hand. I have been trigger happy on the camera and so if you can get a copy maybe you can get a feel for our weekend, or laugh at my stupid photo's - either way suites me!! With babies crying around me, and the desperate seeking the relief of the toilet, or perhaps the 'rest room'? Nah, americanness dosn't work on me, I think it is time for me to return to the films. And so i bid you and New York a fond farewell! New Yorker wannabe? Most definatly! But at least i may be a better New Yorker than my dad! Still, some things STILL never change ==> I Love New York

Taraa!
Philly C

28th April - 1st May 2006!"

Now ... all of the above is exactly as it is on the paper i wrote on. So there will be many a mistake, but I didnt want to change it. It seems so long ago that i was on that plane going out there. I miss those care free days. Still, perhaps at the moment things are changing, for the better? Perhaps.


Schlove always.
Philly C

The first of many? Hopefully.

The below is my very first blog on MySpace.

So ... the date is 19th August 2006. Great ... bring on another school year where most probably i will just drift through the school year, not acheiving anything, but neither regretting it. Is this a good thing or bad .... am i even that lazy that i dont beother regretting it? Meh ... i cant be bothered to think about that either. Do i want to go to uni? Yes deffinatly sometime. But am i ready for it now? I guess not really. Seems a shame, im going to miss everyone so much!


I really want to write a new song ... but i find that if i try and force it out it just dosnt work. So i wait ... Mostly my ideas come at the bakery. I dont know why, perhaps it is the smell of cakes, or the fact that its a bakery ... which rhymes with inspiration. I dont know.

Thinking about it i think i say 'I dont know' way to much. Its just the easy way out of not explaining your self. What do we come to when we cant communicate with other people. It is then that we are truly alone. Ok ... that part sounds gay. But im going to leave it in just because i can.

It also seems that i dream alot, dream of how cool things would be if only things were slightly differnet. Ha ... 'If' one of hte smallest of words with the biggest consequences. My dad said that recently, or something along those lines.

Well ... this is not much of a wander, more like a stumble. And it is alot harder to think of things to write down when i am actually sitting here, i bet that as soon hit submit then a flood of amazing facts, insights and lyrics will stream in through one ear (and most probably out the other) but still hitting some chords on the way.

What i have really enjoyed recently is having a camera. To me it is like having a diary, but a visual one. I am always snapping away with that bad boy. I love it! Talking about diarys i wish i kept one, maybe this can be my subsitute. Oh yeah thats a good idea i guess ... telling anyone that wants to read my deepest, darkest secrets. Cool. A bit like that "The person that i most fancied but was afraid to tell" part of the yearbook ... riiiiiiiiiight

Would the customer with ticket number 52 please make there way to desk A.Thank you.

[clarke]

p.s. I hope you can edit this at a later point, i dont want to re read it now.